I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
