I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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