Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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