I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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