did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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