it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
