When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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