you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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