Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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