Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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