i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
