Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
