remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
