Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
