Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
