So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
