they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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