i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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