i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
