Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
