Where is the hickey?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
