The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
