One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
