Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
