Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
