I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
