So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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