If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
