This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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