laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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