I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
try to milk me bitch
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
