Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
