he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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