only if we run a train.
done.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
