the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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