i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
