They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
