I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
