All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
