I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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