That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
