I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
