the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
