What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
