i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
