WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
