Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
