Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
