im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
