I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
