he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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