my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
