I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
