I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
