would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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