Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
